THE 10 PEOPLE YOU'LL MEET AT THE POOL
Public pools are brilliant for two things; forcing you to become comfortable quickly with near naked strangers and people watching. And it’s inevitable, if you’re going to swim regularly for 12 weeks you’re going to meet a range of people whose only common trait is that they like swimming. So, while you take a quick break from pounding lengths, take a look around for the following people:
1) The Passive Aggressive Regular.
This person swims at a pace that is only marginally faster than just floating, but will still tut loudly if you try to overtake them mid lane. According to them the swimming pool you’re at is their swimming pool… you just haven’t realised it yet. But you will.
2) The Michael Phelps Wannabe.
Chiseled chest? Yep. Over 6 foot tall? Yeah. Trunks so small you’re not convinced there’s any blood flow to that area? Check. This person can often be found strutting around the side of the pool or swimming the most disruptive butterfly stroke they can muster (but with impeccable form).
3) The Lane Hogger
Similar to the Passive Aggressive Regular this swimmer will occupy the whole lane, yet unlike the Passive Aggressive Regular they are oblivious to everyone else in the pool. Their swimming style can only be described as obnoxious, with as much splashing and limb extension as feasibly possible so you have no choice but duck under the lane barrier when you pass them or face their tidal wave.
4) The "Overly Friendly" Guy
His goggles don’t quite hide his eyes looking you up and down whether you’re in or out of the pool, and he always seems to be at the end of your lane just when you need to touch the wall. This leaves you with no choice but to graze his thigh or awkwardly stand straight up and turn around… we recommend you choose the latter!
5) The ‘All the Gear No Idea’
This swimmer is easy to spot as the sunlight will instantly reflect off all their shiny new gear. They will arrive at the pool equipped with the latest goggles, floats and flippers; promptly swim 10 lengths and go home again.
6) The Full Time Parent
We can all empathise with this person. They’ll get to the pool and instantly try to hide somewhere in the deep end while their children scream and bash each other (and anyone in a five metre radius) with a woggle. We hate their children, but we like them.
7) The Senior Citizen
You’re not entirely sure if they’ve spent too long in the pool or if those are just wrinkles, but either way these OAP swimmers are always sweet and courteous. It’s a shame they swim at a sloth pace, but you can’t help but like them.
8) The ‘Not-Really-There-To-Swim’ Swimmer
These swimmers usually come in pairs rather than alone. You will probably hear them chatting before you see them, but once you do they’re instantly recognisable by their leisurely breaststroke and utter refusal to get their hair wet.
9) The ‘Mansplainer’
Possible the worst kind of swimmer; he will stand at the end of your lane and offer you endless feedback on how you can improve your stroke, proper breathing technique and what you’re doing wrong. The only solution is to pretend to not speak English and swim away whilst kicking as hard as you can just so he is not tempted to come near you again. If this doesn’t work making dolphin noises at him definitely will.
10) The Average Joe
Our favourite type of swimmer! The Average Joe will stick to their area, swim at a decent pace for the lane they’re in and have the perfect amount of splash. They won’t get too fancy with their stroke, but you just know they could do a tumble turn if they wanted to. We love you Average Joe!
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